Relationships, Careers, and Trust Issues

Up until now I never realized just how similar jobs and relationships are.  You’ve spent a lot of time, blood and sweat to get where you are in your job.  I’m not talking about weeks.  I’m talking about years!  Years of putting up with supervisors from hell, mountains of work, and co-workers who know more about back-stabbing than high school students.

Now think about it, are relationships any different?

Let me tell you a story of one of my best friends.  Like any relationship, it started out great.  He was perfect, everything was perfect, and she was happy.  I was happy for her.

Time pass, years passed, and little by little your perfect little paradise is not so perfect anymore.  Woman’s intuition tells her that he’s seeing someone else.  They fight a lot, mainly because he’s got what I like to call “psychotic tendencies.”  When he’s great, he’s great and he makes her happy.  But sometimes, he gets jealous or restless because he thinks she’s the one seeing someone else.

My friend is gorgeous so I get why he feels vulnerable.  They hardly see each other because of work.  What bugs me is that his psychotic tendencies are too much.  When they break up, he would tell her that he’s not letting her go.  She would give in and everything would be fine again – for a few months.

Now this has been going on for 7 years.  I know the guy and I know that he has a lot of nice qualities.  But I can also see how rattled my friend gets.  When she found out that he was sort of seeing someone else, I thought it was over for them.  Secretly, I was relieved.  I thought it was about time, my friend has gone through a lot.  Then I got a text message that they’re together again.  In fact, they’re planning to get married sometime in the next 3 years!

My friend (let’s call her Gwen) tells me that she’s surprised I’m not yelling at her for being stupid.  Dear God, you have no idea how much I wanted to yell at her!  I asked her why, after all this time, why go back to him?  And she said because she loves him.

She says

“I’m surprised you’re not mad at me for getting back with him. My co-workers are.  They refuse to talk to me.”

I said

“I can’t tell you what to do.  And I kind of expected the two of you to get back together.  You know him better than anyone so it’s your decision.  As long as you know what you’re doing.”

Okay, so maybe he’s not perfect.  Maybe he’s not the knight and shining armor every girl dreams about.  He’s lacking, he’s not rich, but he I know deep down that he loves her too.  I know because he was my friend too.  I know because I know what Gwen is like.

She’s not the type of girl who would settle for someone she doesn’t love.  She’s dated a lot of guys and when it’s over, it’s over.  But she’s been with this guy for nearly 7 years and it’s difficult to let go of something like that.  At first I thought that she’s just afraid to start over and let go because all the time she invested in that guy would be for nothing.  But now I know the truth.  She does love him and she knows him better than anyone.

This is more than what I can say about myself.  I had one serious relationship.  It may have only lasted a couple of months but I loved him and even when he pushes me away, I’m still there.  My friends keep telling me to let go but I refuse.  But the moment I found out he cheated on me I erased him from my life.

Years later he contacted me again.  But I moved on and had no intention of getting back with him.  I told him we’re fine like this.  Actually, we’re nothing more than Facebook pals now.

Gwen approved of my decision.  She didn’t like the guy, said that he was up to no good.  But now I couldn’t help but wonder if she’s making the same mistake I did.  It’s different with her though.  Seven years versus a couple of months is no contest.

Is she wrong?  Am I wrong?  Am I such a bad friend that I can’t tell my friend to let go of this guy, for God’s sake!  But who am I to tell her what to do.  She knows this guy better than anyone.  She sees the good in him and maybe all I can see is the bad.  And she’s willing to do what some people, myself included, can’t bring themselves to do.  She’s willing to forgive him and continue loving him, flaws and everything.

So yeah, relationships are like jobs and careers.  You have to work hard to make it work and it’s harder to let go if you invested more time in it.

I forgave my ex but it didn’t mean I want to get back with him no matter how much I loved him.  I couldn’t bring myself to endure all that pain again.  Maybe that’s why I’m single, because I have trust issues.  I love him, yes, but I can’t trust him.  But Gwen did and I just hope she knows what she’s doing.


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